It's been a while since I've talked about gastric bypass.  It's only a few more months until my three year anniversary but I wanted to touch on something that consistently rears its head, almost daily.  The fear of before.  The fear that I will go back to what I once was. Overweight, unhappy, and in pain. I made this extreme choice at such a young age to not only to extend my life for me but also for my girls.  I can not go back to before…for them.  

I hear the stories of many of us that have had the weight loss surgeries "beat the surgery" and it just makes me sad because I can see how easy it can be done.  Since my lowest weight (~190) I have gained weight back (~205 now) and although some weight gain is supposed to happen I still fear falling back into my old ways.  And yes, I've been at or around this weight for about 18 months now but it's still a constant fear I deal with everyday.  Addiction is a scary thing and if anyone doesn't think that food is one of those then I suppose we will just agree to disagree but it's real for me.

Anyway, I didn't have an agenda here other than convincing myself its ok to be a little vulnerable at times and to talk about some of the things that keep me up at night.  For those in the same spot and need some people of like minds or situation, check out our GB network. Thanks for reading everybody.